It is worth noting that I had to have the cesarean because my not so little peanut was 10 lb 2 oz at birth! For a first pregnancy, it was safer for mom and baby to do the c section, so that's what we did! But growing a human the size of the hulk took a lot of chowing down during my pregnancy. I craved red meat, particularly cheeseburgers. Not so good for the post-baby weight gain. 

Now I'm going to get real with you, because I want to be as transparent as possible. I gained 65 pounds from the time I found out I was pregnant to delivery. 65 pounds you guys! That's insane!

I've never been a petit, small framed person. However I have always worked hard at being healthy. Yes I enjoy donuts a little too much but I also love green smoothies. I get my blood moving and love to run.

So, although I've always been curvy, I've never felt overweight. Until now.

After coming home from the hospital, at my two week checkup I'd dropped 28 pounds. Hallelujah! This won't be so bad after all! Scratch that. I'm still hovering 35 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight at 2 months postpartum.

I don't tell you all of this because it's my sob story. I tell you this to be real about the after effects of this crazy thing our bodies do: make babies.

The media now flashes images of celebrity weight loss weeks after birth. " Kim K loses 50 pounds hours after giving birth!" No. She doesn't. And neither will anyone else. But this doesn't make headlines. Maybe because it's not exciting. Maybe because it's the truth.

So here I am, spewing truth like there ain't no tomorrow. I gained a lot, more than I expected. And I don't feel like myself. I feel like I've been sliced across the middle. I feel like my limbs are heavy and immobile. I feel like my flexibility is gone. I feel tired.

What's worse, though, is that when I see a new mom with a baby younger than mine and a tummy smaller than mine, I feel like a failure. The world teaches us to compare ourselves to others. Who Wore It Best articles and TV shows that celebrate competition for attention (I'm looking at you, The Bachelor) create methods of toxic thought. And I feel guilty for thinking these things, even though I've been trained to do so.

Why go off on this tangent? Because I seen an opportunity to change the status quo. To be a bit of light and truth in an otherwise ominous conversation. I have an opportunity to help another lady out there like me.

So in an effort to love myself and my post baby body, I'm committing to being as healthy as possible (not as skinny as possible!). Fueling my body with what it needs to thrive and challenging it every day. I want to feel like myself again.